“You are my weakness” I typed.

I had to tell the truth.I could not lie to her.She asked me many times whether she could trust me,breaking my heart each time she did so.

“LOL” she replied.

I wasn’t surprised.She did that at least. That’s all I needed at that point of hour.Staring blankly at my mobile screen and apprehensively waiting for her replies is even harder.

I kept boxing my thumbs thinking what to type next.I must have been prepared well before in hand.

“Got to go!” Popped up on my mobile screen.

All those things flashed in front of me.The memories that constantly come but never leave.That part of my brain which I want to pluck and throw out forever.Her little but shiny nose ring.The way she clapped her hands when she laughed her hearts out.The way she used to run her hands back through my hair.The sweat that generated when we held our hands for hours.The bright red mole that shined on her right breast.The only time I skyped with her and her words the same night when she said “This is all yours,only yours” pointing at her…

“Krrrrrrrrr” my mobile phone vibrated aloud,and brought me back to my senses.I switched off the alarm which read.”1 AM,Sleep Time”

I took a deep breath!

“Okay,Take care” is what I chose to reply!

I never forced her.I don’t believe in forcing people to stay.It doesn’t work that way!

4 months have passed.I never contacted her since then.

“How are you doing?” I messaged her.

I was having a rough day.I wanted someone to ask me the same thing.No not someone,I wanted her to ask me how am I doing.For everyone else I might just reply “I am doing fine”.I don’t want to trouble people.I don’t want them to waste their time on me.I don’t want them to think I am going through some shit.But with her,I can lay my soul bare.I can put my vulnerable best for show.With everyone else it’s like starting from 1.But with her we already scored half a century in partnership.So the 4 words after the 4 months!

I waited for her reply.I waited her to see my message.I waited the two ugly grey ticks to turn into a magnificent blue.

She came online.Stayed for 15 mins or so.Then went off.

I took all my strength and typed “I know it’s been a long time.I don’t know if you are busy.Need someone to talk to.But cant think of anyone to share this..Wont take much time”

I checked again.This time she was there for more than an hour.I kept staring at those two unread messages decorated with pair of grey ticks.I reread the old messages and the secrets which I didn’t share with anyone else.What am I doing?What have I become?I loathed myself.I blamed not her,but me for allowing someone to do that to me.I hated those six letters “Online”.There she is,in my sight,in a virtual world,available but invincible,so near yet so far.I pressed on call button.”Busy on an other line” told the operator.

I kept staring at the stars through my window.I thought I will give myself a chance till the sun rise.Then dozed off involuntarily.

I got up at 10 the next morning.Unlocked the screen expecting missed calls or unread messages.

I stared at those blue ticks for couple of minutes.The blue ticks that I wanted but not this way.They stared back at me in turn with contempt.

Then I deleted those two messages,the old conversations and her mobile number.Blocked her on all the social media platforms.Never contacted her or met her since then!

After an year!Sitting in my office space and idly going through that day’s to-do-list!

A message popped up on my screen from an unknown number which read:

“Hey..Need yua suggstn regdng…lil urgent.Cn I cl u nw…?!”

The plain tone of the message,the choice of words.The spaces and dots.They felt very familiar.I knew where they are coming from.I threw my mobile aside on the table.

But a couple of minutes later.The phone beeped again.

“Der?” was the message.The question mark and the hands that typed them,both I never wanted to see again in my life.

I stared at the phone.Tapped my fingers on the table,and Immediately grabbed the mobile.

“Yes.Sure.But give me ten minutes.In a meeting right now.”I instantly replied.

I lost this battle one more time.She was nothing.A no one.But one day I fell in love with her.A mad one.She started becoming my strength,whose power on me grew exponentially by each petal of love that I showered on her.But little did I predicted that this unconditional love will become a curse for me and turn what I thought my biggest strength into my biggest weakness,something that I am not born with,but became a slave to.I made her an invincible force,that now stands tall against me and crushes me deep into the abyss each time I came across her!